its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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