she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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