I think im going to throw up on grandma
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
