I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
