just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
