where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
