we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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