I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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