i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
