By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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