question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
