If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize