Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
