Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This is the high leading the old right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
