hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
