eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
