Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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