I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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