it wasn't lemon gatorade
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
