I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
