he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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