i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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