I think im going to throw up on grandma
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
