I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
