You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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