on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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