Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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