If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
