I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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