i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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