Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
