I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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