Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
