if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk is not a location!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize