Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
