dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
