So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love you. Go after that dick
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
