I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
