tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
