honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize