Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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