I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
