once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
