I bet he comes in French.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
