if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
