I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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