Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
