i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
