Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You smell like stripper and shame
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
