I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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