That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
