how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
