the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
