I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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