You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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