You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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