Your face is a jimmy john
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
