Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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