The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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