Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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