Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
