I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
