hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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